Failure is a part of life, but if you deal with the failure in a wrong way, it can be more harmful than the experience itself

You have been trying so hard to make your relationship work, only to hear “I don’t think we are right for each other anymore.” You went to a job interview that you thought went extremely well, but when they got back to you, they said “you weren’t the right fit.” You have been running the marathon well and you think you are ahead of everyone else, only for some woman to come out of nowhere, zooming past you, in the final quarter mile and now you’re leaving with the silver medal.

Below, we have outlined three ways in which you are handling failure poorly and how to handle it the right way.

You probably think that once you are failure you will always be a failure

You have probably thought that “once a failure, always a failure” before. Maybe you have even repeated this mantra many times in your head. For instance, after that job interview didn’t go your way, you started turning down other job opportunities because you think you will fail again.

The truth is that sometimes failure can teach you something valuable. You just have to make the sucrifice, whether you fail two or 20 times. Failure is sometimes good for you!

Next time an opportunity comes, don’t tell yourself you will fail. Face it head on or try a different approach. Get up and keep pushing forward. You will find success eventually if you keep getting up after you have fallen.

You bring past failures into the mix instead of going easy on yourself

So you had a really tough break up and have consumed your weight in comfort food, But then you decide to think about past failures including that girl who turned you down in kindergarten because some other boy gave her his snack before you did.

Once you go down this road, thinking about the all those past failures, shortcomings and faults, you put yourself through the torture of reliving those experiences again. This is drepressing and can destroy your self-esteem bit by bit.

Give yourself a break and some compassion. Rebuild your self-esteem by doing something that you love or excel at. Surround yourself with people who see the best in you, like friends and family. Give yourself time to recover.

You replay the failure over and over again in your mind, making yourself more and more depressed as you keep reliving the experience

Perhaps that moment you lost the marathon and the gold medal is still fresh on your mind. You keep replaying it in your mind, watching that woman cross the finish line and everyone cheering for her they way they should have cheered for you.

You will experience those discouraging feeling again and again if you dwell on that failure. This will stop you from moving on and can even make you deeply depressed. It is a hard habit to stop, since negative emotions are addictive, but you can distract yourself and stop thinking about it.

The urge to keep replaying the failure can pass even if the distraction only lasts for two minutes. So call your best buddy, remember some nicer memories or start dancing. Until you no longer feel the urge and move on, force your mind to concentrate on other things.